Humans naturally tend to compare themselves to others to progress and develop, as part of their evolutionary makeup. This inclination has been heightened in contemporary times because of the widespread availability of information across various social media platforms. Although completely eradicating comparisons may not be feasible, grasping the concept and the emotions linked can enable us to manage this behaviour better.
The Concept of Comparison
In his book Wanting, Luke Burgis delves into the concept of comparison, highlighting two distinct approaches. The first involves assessing your current self concerning your past self, focusing on personal growth and progress. The second approach, comparing oneself to others, often leads to conflict and pursuing thin desires that are not sustainable over a long time. Engaging in social comparison can drive us to pursue fleeting desires, while self-comparison helps cultivate enduring aspirations, known as Thick Desires, which are more sustainable in the long run.
"Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other. It is trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.” Brene Brown
Comparison says, “Be like everyone else, but better.” This paradox can create a crushing pressure to fit in while trying to excel.
Social Comparison: Upward vs. Downward
According to Alicia Nortje, engaging in upward social comparison entails measuring ourselves against individuals who are seen as performing better than we are. On the other hand, downward social comparison involves evaluating ourselves against those perceived as performing worse. Both forms of social comparison can lead to both positive and negative outcomes.
Frank Fujita highlights that social comparison can influence our emotional state. Upward comparisons can motivate or dishearten us, while downward comparisons can evoke feelings of superiority or despondency. Regular social comparisons are typically linked not with life satisfaction or positive emotions, but with negative feelings such as fear, anger, shame, and sadness.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Admiration and Reverence
Although comparison can evoke negative emotions, admiration is characterized by positivity. Admiration arises when we are inspired by someone's skills, achievements, or character. Reverence is a fundamental virtue that involves having profound respect, love, and humility towards something sacred or transcendent. Conversely, irreverence entails failing to display the anticipated respect towards significant or sacred entities.
Envy and Jealousy
Envy and jealousy are complex emotions that play a significant role in human interactions and relationships. Envy typically arises when we covet something possessed by another person, whether it be material possessions, achievements, or qualities. It reflects a desire to possess what someone else has, often stemming from feelings of inadequacy or a sense of lacking in our own lives.
On the other hand, jealousy is rooted in the fear of losing something we already have, particularly in the context of relationships. It can manifest when we perceive a threat to a valued relationship, such as a romantic partner, a close friend, or a family member. Jealousy can stem from insecurities, possessiveness, or a lack of trust, leading to feelings of anxiety, suspicion, or even betrayal.
While envy and jealousy are distinct emotions, they can both have a significant impact on our well-being and relationships. Recognizing and understanding these feelings can help us navigate them more effectively, leading to healthier interactions with others and a greater sense of self-awareness.
Reflective Questions
Do I fear losing something valuable to someone else, or do I desire something possessed by another person?
If I covet something owned by someone else, do I wish for them to lose it, or is that not my intention?
If I am anxious about losing something significant to me, what type of dialogue should I engage in with that individual?
“Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savour, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.” – Maya Angelou
Resentment
Resentment is a mix of frustration, judgment, anger, or concealed envy that stems from perceived unfairness or injustice. It commonly occurs when we neglect to establish boundaries or communicate our needs. Unreasonable expectations tied to factors beyond our control, such as others' opinions, emotions, or reactions, frequently give rise to feelings of resentment.
Schadenfreude and Freudenfreude
Schadenfreude is a complex human emotion that finds its roots in the German language. It refers to the somewhat controversial feeling of deriving pleasure or joy from the misfortunes or failures of others. This emotion can be seen as a mix of amusement, satisfaction, and even a sense of vindication when witnessing someone else's downfall or suffering.
On the other hand, Freudenfreude represents a contrasting sentiment that focuses on celebrating and finding happiness in the success and achievements of others. It is a positive and empathetic response to witnessing someone else's accomplishments, highlighting the capacity for genuine joy and support towards others.
These two concepts, Schadenfreude and Freudenfreude, offer a fascinating insight into the complexities of human emotions and social dynamics. While Schadenfreude may reveal darker aspects of human nature such as envy or resentment, Freudenfreude showcases the beauty of empathy, kindness, and genuine happiness for others.
"Building lasting connections does not involve celebrating the humiliation or pain of another individual." - Paraphrased from the book by Brene Brown
Real-Life Examples
Understanding the Social Media Paradox
The emergence of social media has brought about a new aspect of the concept of comparison. Individuals frequently showcase edited depictions of their lives, encouraging comparisons with others that often lead to feelings of inadequacy and discontent. Research indicates that individuals who dedicate significant time to social media are prone to experiencing adverse emotions such as envy and depression.
“Comparison is the death of joy.” – Mark Twain
Workplace Dynamics
Comparing oneself to others in the workplace can serve as both a source of motivation and a cause of discouragement. For instance, witnessing a colleague's success may inspire an employee to enhance their performance. However, persistent comparisons can result in exhaustion and discontent.
Illustration: Jane, a marketing executive, consistently measured herself against her coworker, Sarah. While Sarah's accomplishments initially motivated Jane, the ongoing comparisons made her feel inadequate and negatively impacted her well-being.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” – Steven Furtick
The Academic Arena
Students often compare their grades and accomplishments with those of their peers, which can result in both positive and negative consequences. For example, observing a friend's outstanding grades may inspire a student to work harder. Conversely, such comparisons can also trigger feelings of pressure and worry.
Illustration: Raj, a high school student, was encouraged to enhance his academic performance upon witnessing his friend Aman's success. Nevertheless, continuous comparisons eventually led Raj to experience heightened stress and a sense of inadequacy when he couldn't match Aman's achievements.
Methods for Handling Comparison
Self-Examination
Engage in self-examination to recognize the factors that lead to comparisons. Identify scenarios in which you are inclined to compare yourself to others and evaluate the impact of these comparisons on your emotions.
Establish Achievable Objectives
Instead of measuring yourself against others, establish practical and individual goals. Concentrate on your advancement and acknowledge your accomplishments, regardless of their scale.
Restrict Social Media Usage
Decrease the time spent on social media platforms to lessen exposure to edited and idealized portrayals of other individuals' lives.
Express Gratitude
Nurture a practice of gratitude by concentrating on what you possess rather than what is lacking. This can aid in transitioning your perspective from comparison to gratitude.
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” – Anonymous
Seek Inspiration, Not Competition
Admire others for their achievements and use their success as inspiration rather than a benchmark for your worth.
Summary
Comparing ourselves to others is a natural inclination rooted in human evolution. However, in today's era of social media, this tendency has been magnified, often resulting in negative feelings like fear, anger, shame, and sadness. By recognizing the various aspects of comparison, such as admiration, envy, jealousy, resentment, schadenfreude, and freudenfreude, we can effectively manage our emotions and reactions.
To foster a more positive outlook, it's crucial to assess our intentions and aspirations, establish clear boundaries, and cultivate genuine connections built on empathy and respect. In the wise words of Maya Angelou, a moderate amount of healthy comparison, akin to seasoning in food, can enrich our lives, but excessive comparison can be harmful.
By approaching comparison mindfully and purposefully, we can transform it into a source of motivation and personal development rather than a trigger for negativity. Embrace admiration, practice reverence, and celebrate others' achievements, and you'll discover that comparison can serve as a valuable tool for self-improvement and contentment.
Share your thoughts. Share with others.
Comments