“People cannot simply forget the past, neither can they become free from it.”
Dealing with the Past:
All conflicts, disputes, and unrest in the world stem from this single source. Even though the human lifespan has only spanned around 30 to 70 years throughout millions of years of history, individuals strive to fulfil their desires within this limited time, sometimes at the expense of others' happiness. It is a reality that past events often influence present and future circumstances, impacting everything from personal relationships to global politics. The historical legacy can be viewed as both a burden and a guide, offering valuable lessons while occasionally trapping us in repetitive cycles of discord. When considering the vast scope of human history, our lifespans seem relatively brief. Yet, during these years, we contribute to a complex tapestry of human experiences. How can we find a harmonious balance between honouring the past and moving forward positively?
I am not suggesting resistance to change, as change is a constant in life. Rejecting the past is not the solution. In reality, the initial step towards meaningful progress involves acknowledging the past, drawing lessons from it, and being open to constructive change. Throughout this process, it is important not to seek vengeance or harm others, as this would perpetuate a cycle of negativity that future generations would have to rectify. This could lead to a scenario of
"An Eye for an Eye until everyone is blind."
Every issue ultimately boils down to interpersonal relationships. Acknowledging this is commendable, however, it's crucial to bear in mind that avoiding emotional pain entirely in relationships is nearly impossible. Engaging in interpersonal connections inevitably involves experiencing hurt to a certain degree, as well as unintentionally causing hurt to others. Alder suggests that the only way to escape problems is to isolate oneself from the world, but that's not a feasible solution, is it? While we can't change certain realities, we do have the ability to adjust our subjective perspectives as much as we desire. After all, we exist within a realm of subjectivity.
Being Inferior is OK, as long as you are striving to Improve:
We all have an inherent desire to break free from a sense of helplessness. According to Alder, this drive for superiority, also known as the "Pursuit of superiority," is not a malady but a catalyst for normal, healthy progress and development. Even feelings of inferiority, when channelled correctly, can spur growth and progress. An iconic example of this mindset is seen in Avis's renowned advertising slogan, "We Try Harder," from their 1962 campaign. Developed by the advertising agency Doyle Dane Bernbach (DDB), the slogan aimed to reposition Avis's second-place standing as a positive trait. The most beneficial approach involves striving and evolving to compensate for perceived shortcomings, such as dedicating oneself to academics, continuous training, or diligent work.
Individuals who attempt to appear more important by relying on external sources of power are essentially conforming to the values of others – they are essentially leading the lives of others. Those who go as far as boasting loudly about their accomplishments lack self-assurance. As Adler points out, “Those who boast do so only due to a sense of inadequacy”. This behaviour is similar to excessive self-indulgence aimed at presenting a flawless image on social media platforms. Although social media platforms should not be held accountable for such conduct, this highlights how a system can be severely misused, deviating from its intended purpose.
Life is not a competition:
"Human beings are all equal, but not the same."
Simply continue moving forward without the need to compete with others. Avoid comparing yourself to others and instead focus on comparing yourself to your ideal self to foster a healthy sense of inferiority. Remember that everyone is unique, so let's not confuse these differences with notions of good or bad, superior or inferior. Despite our distinctions, we are all on an equal footing.
When competition is a central aspect of an individual's interpersonal connections, they are likely to face challenges in their relationships and encounter misfortune. Being aware of competition, victories, and defeats inevitably leads to feelings of inferiority, as constant comparison with others results in thoughts of triumph or defeat. Both inferiority and superiority complexes stem from this ongoing comparison.
Anger:
"Anger as an expression of person grudge is nothing but a tool of making others submit to you."
Regardless of how convinced you are of being correct, avoid criticizing the other party based on that belief in any situation. This is a common pitfall in interpersonal relationships that many individuals tend to fall into. When you assert "I am right," you are essentially implying that the other individual is wrong. This shifts the focus of the conversation from the validity of the statement to the state of the interpersonal relationship. Essentially, the belief of being right leads to assuming the other person is wrong, ultimately turning the interaction into a competition where winning becomes the goal. It then becomes a continuous power struggle.
Due to a mindset focused on avoiding defeat, individuals may find it challenging to acknowledge their mistakes, leading them to make incorrect decisions. Acknowledging errors, offering apologies, and relinquishing power struggles do not signify failure. Seeking superiority does not involve competing with others.
Differentiating emotions and tasks:
Two goals guide behavior: 1. Achieving self-reliance and 2. Maintaining harmony within society. Likewise, in the realms of Psychology and consciousness, there are goals: 1. Recognizing my capabilities and 2. Valuing others as my companions. According to Adler, these processes give rise to three types of interpersonal relationships, which he categorized as "tasks for work," "tasks for friendship," and "tasks for love," collectively known as "Life Tasks."
Individuals can be very self-centred beings who can easily pinpoint numerous flaws and imperfections in others whenever they feel like it. Even a flawless person could appear, and one would still manage to find a reason to dislike them. This is why the world has turned into a dangerous place, where it is easy to view everyone as potential adversaries.
Fortunately, humans are not so fragile that they are entirely susceptible to causative traumas. Regarding purpose, we can shape our own lives and ways of living. This capability lies within us. As humans, we can strive to maintain our compassion towards others and, in doing so, we must be brave enough to be disapproved of by those who do not comprehend our actions fully.
For a comprehensive grasp of the subject, refer to books authored by Adler or dedicated to his philosophy.
Understanding Life - Alfred Adler
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
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